Confusion

Finally things between us are starting to settle down.It has been torturous the past few weeks as I start to doubt my love for him.I was always in a state of confusion and I can't seem to find the answer to the problems in my head.It kinda started 3 weeks ago.The first 2 weekends were hard to go by but we ultimately managed to talk things through.Last weekend was peaceful but during the past few days,things started to turn awful between us again.But I guess that particular person resurfaced again to reassure me that I am actually still in love with my dear boyfriend.

When this particular incident happened,I was in a dilemma.I couldn't figure out my emotions and why I was feeling that way towards that particular someone Z (random alphabet).All along,I've been thinking that the feeling I used to have for Z would have diminished since the day he was attached 3.5 years ago while for my case,I am also happily attached to my current boy.But the sudden texts from him made me feel that it has reignited the spark in me.I hate feeling this way and was totally lost.I couldn't answer the questions in my head.Thankfully for friends who started asking about me and got worried for me,I slowly managed to get out of the hole.'Follow my heart' was what a dear friend told me to do.As simple as it sounds,it really is difficult to achieve that.More often than not,my mind and heart would conflict with each other.This makes it even tougher to solve the problem.After all the words of advice,I have come to realize what I should know.Being through this stage of a relationship when things start to get a little mundane,both parties gotta put in more effort to sustain the relationship.All these while,I have been comparing our current state to how we used to be when we just started dating.I started blaming him for not trying hard enough which was kinda selfish of me.I believe I didn't do a good job as well.Instead of pushing the blame,we could have just talked things out.But I had to make a big hooha out of this.A good talk with my big sister last night made me think a lot.We shared about both our relationships and she told me that she could tell how much I still loved my bf cos when I was sharing,I looked very happy.And when I texted some other friends and told them about my plight,they willingly shared their experiences and gave me ideas on how I could improve this relationship.I'm really very grateful for having such friends.Thanks to these precious friends of mine,I can reaffirm my love for my bf is undoubtedly true:)

Let us hold each other's hands and we shall brave through the darkest storms.Nothing will break us apart.I am lucky to be showered with your love and your tolerance for me is really beyond expectations.

Do not give up on us.

If you hide, I'll seek for you. 
If you're lost, I'll search for you. 
If you leave, I'll wait for you. 
If they try to take you away from me, I'll fight for you. 
Because I never want to lose someone I love.